MaY The 9th

my thought as at 16:05 p.m.:-

good things doesn't always happen to a good person..makes me wonder, should i be the opposite then?..but wait a minute!..am i a good person to begin with?hahahahahahaha..

For YouR iNfo..

Just so you know..your words have wounded me..I can't quite erase them 'till now..hope someday I will, cause I really don't want to hate you..

BaD DaY

It's not easy to be a good child..but I'll never stop trying..the least I can do is to please my parents even if my heart screaming for help.

Last Saturday, I went to my ayah's brother's birthday. When I knew about the event, I didn't want to go. My mak knew I will never ever go. Unfortunately, I had too since my mom was going to Kelantan. So, being a nice daughter as always, I just went along.

Bila aku ternampak nama dan tempat majlis..terus hati jadi jahat.."bluekkkk!!..perlu ke buat setinggi-tinggi tingkat..eeishhh!!". Sampai ke tingkat majlis, siap daftar nama lagi.."amboi..poyo giler!!"..nama aku tiada dalam senarai, hanya nama alias (eja nama ayah aku pun salah..bongok!!)dan nab (nama mak aku zainab..bongok bongok bongok!). Si perempuan terus suruh kami ke meja 2. As I entered the room, I was..("what the!!!)..Apparently, there was a dress code. Ladies pakai baju ala-ala jubah yang kembang-kembang, yang memang in trend la sekarang and gentlemen pakai formal attire. Aku siap nampak cousin aku pakai coat lagi! Me? I wore my jean and my favourite blue dress. Nampak sangat la, orang yang tak dapat proper invitation kan..nevertheless, I looked beautiful as always..muahahaa..Sampai di meja..("siyesly, perlu ke aku duduk sini..mengadap muka-muka niii..arrrghhhh!!!). Dengan hipokritnya aku senyum sambil salam dan bertanya khabar..(sure huduh giler muke aku time tu..wahaha).

Ya, manusia yang paling aku tak nak tengok, akhirnya sampai..("argh..aku tak suka tengok muka ko!")..mata aku tak tentu arah..mana pun aku tengok, semuanya mendatangkan kebencian, semua pun aku benci..akhirnya, aku keluar ke toilet. Tak pernah aku lepak lama dalam toilet..hampir 20 minit aku menikmati kebersihan toilet. Bila aku masuk dewan, orang dah start makan. Lama aku melangut kat meja. I stared blankly at the table cloth, the silverware..("kalau la malaysia kene gempa, memang confirm aku masuk berita tengah malam ni..")..how I hated to be there. Selera mati..tapi disebabkan makcik aku sibuk la suruh aku makan, aku ambil juga la sepinggan kueteow. Bila MC keluar je, aku..("omjey..siyes ar dorang ni..arghhh!!)..First performance dari selected people i.e makcik a.k.a adik/adik ipar orang kaya, anak saudara orang kaya, cucu saudara orang kaya, bakal menantu makcik yang adik kepada orang kaya itu..bla bla bla..betapa aku bersyukur, aku belum habis makan time tu, so I was focusing on my plate rather than on the performance. Aku dengar je suara sorang-sorang nyanyi..ergh, I rather put on my iPod right there and then! Tangan ni dah gatal nak plugged in, tapi mak ayah aku tak ajar aku jadi sebiadap itu (they never taught me all the bad stuffs..) So, I took my time, enjoying my food..("ee..baik pasang je lagu dari korang menyanyi la wey!!"). Second trip to the ladies..another 20 minute in there..aku tak pernah rasa seronok duduk dalam toilet, tapi malam tu..seronok sungguh..hahaha..bila aku masuk balik, Nasir Wahab dah habis nyanyi dah ("mak aih..ada artis ke..duhhh~~")..second artist, adakah Rohana Jalil!! ("oo ni ke minah liplapliplap dalam toilet tadi..")..dia pun nyanyi la..("kalau aku dengar iPod, org perasan tak agak2?..tensen nyeeeeeee!!!!)..For the first time in my life, I didn't clap after each performances. Benci sungguh nurulhuda ye?.."ye sangatttttttttttt!!!"

Later I realized my ayah was absent..("mane plak org tue ni..aku dah la bosan, die leh blah plak!haish!!")..I must be bored to death, sampai bini orang kaya kajang tegur aku, "boring je muka Nurul?"..haha..senyum adalah jawapan yang paling senang..ngeeeeee ("ye. sangat2 bosan.nyampah.meluat!!!)...about 3 hours later, my ayah came to me and said, "jom"..("baru nak ajak balik skang!ergghhhh!!!")..another round of salam-salam..and when I turned to my right, I saw those faces..and they saw me too..my ayah went to salam with them but not me, I just walked away..

We sat quietly while heading back home. Betapa aku benci malam itu. Aku benci berada disekeliling manusia-manusia itu. Kalau tak kerana ayah, aku tak ingin ke sana. Selama ini, aku memang sedar, kedudukan kami memang tak setaraf dengan mereka. Keluarga aku seolah-olah terpinggir dari sebarang keraian sebelum ini. Tapi kami tak rugi apa-apa. Kami tak kisah pun. Aku tak malu walaupun kami tak "sekaya" mereka. Aku tahu, sekaya mana pun manusia-manusia itu, akhirnya, dimamah ulat juga. Betapa aku benci melihat gelagat mereka. Malang bagi aku, mereka wali aku yang sah! Bilalah kebencian ini akan berakhir..mahukah aku menoktahkannya?

SomEdAy

I hope this tears will stop running someday
Someday after this darkness clear up
I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears
When I feel that I’m getting tired of looking me exhausted,
I want to give all my dreams I’ve kept hard
Every time I feel that I’m lacking in many things more than I have
I lost strength in my legs and drop down
I hope this tears will stop running someday


Someday after this darkness clear up
I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears
Everyday I hold out comforting myself “it’ll be alright”
But it makes me afraid little by little
I tell myself to believe in myself, but I don’t
Now I don’t know how longer I can hold out
But wait it’ll come
Although the night is long, the sun comes up

Someday my painful heart will get well
I hope it helps me now.
I hope God will help me
I don’t have enough confidence more and more to overcome myself
I hope this tears will stop running someday

Someday after this darkness clear up
I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears
But wait it’ll come
Although the night is long, the sun comes up

Someday my painful heart will get well

Someday… Someday…

a song by IU

y.o.u..LisTen (part 04)

I don't need you to mess with my life..don't you think I'm actually good at doing it myself? I am starting to live a happy life..what rights do you have to ruin it? Why can't you just leave or better yet, dissapear!

Honestly, what do you want from me? What have I done to you? Lets clear things out so I don't have to hate you.

I am happy now. Trully happy. Please don't take that away from me. You too..be happy. Just stay away from me..

conversation

1: "wei..ko pasan tak?"
2: "pasan mendenyer..??"
1: "die tu..dah lain r skang.."
2: "lain, meaning what"
1: "lain cam..xcam dulu la.."
2: "wey dol!..ko mencarut ape ni?"
1: "aku tengok die dah xbyk ckp..senyaaaaaap je. risau r aku tgk die."
2: "ekeleh..kalau die xckp pape tu, ok la tu..pe nye nak risau."
1: "xde r, slalu die sound gak kite kalau ade pape, skang ni xde pun.."
2: "tu pun ko susah ati ke.."
1: "ye r, die kan kawan kiter..eee ko ni"
2: "aku rase, xde pape tu..kalau ade sure die citer"
1: "ye ke?"
2: "ko tanye aku, aku ye kan je la..hahaha"
1: "eee..ko ni.."
2: "abeh, ko nak aku buat ape..ko ingat kalau aku tanye, die nak cakap ke? lagi die suh aku diam ade la!"
1: "ha'ah ek. siot gak die tu kadang2..haha..so, yang die cakap aritu ko rase betul2 ke?"
2: "yang mane 1?"
1: "ala, yang aritu tu..cam real je.."
2: "oooooo yang tu..ntah. cam ye je."
1: "giler ke pe?"
2: "ye kot..haha"
1: "ape lagi die ckp eh?"
2: "ler, ko kan ade skali..pekak ke!"
1: "memang la aku ade, tapi aku rase die banyak citer ngan ko.."
2: "ala, pe yang die citer kat aku, die citer kat kau gak la.."
1: "eish..siyes ke die tu..tadi2, ko nampak die buat pe?"
2: "haaaa..nampak2..cantik gak pakai camtu kan!"
1: "tu bukan isu die la! isu nye skang, ko ingat tak mase ko suh die pakai, tapi die kate xnak..arini tup2 die pakai..siap senyum2 lagi.."
2: "ala, biaq pi kat dia la..asai dia hepi.."
1: "xde la.dulu die kate nak tunggu..tup2..."
2: "die ade la bagitau aku..watpe nak buat camtu, cam bengong je..tu aku ckp kat die, hah! tau pun ko.."
1: "so, aku rase konklusinye..memang die siyes r kali ni!"
2: "kurecheo!!"
1: "hah..stat la tu mencarut korea ko tu kan!"
2: "hahaha..tu bukan mencarut la dol! tu maksud die..ye betol!!"
1: "ko rase, patut ke kite sokong die?"
2: "kalau bukan kite sape lagi?..kalau lain tau, sure kene basuhnye die tu!"
1: "tapi aku rase die rush sangat la..ilek r dulu, ye dak?"
2: "mane ade rush, lame dah die pk..eleh ko, cam xtau..tolong jangan purak2 bangang ye..haha!"
1: "xde ar..kang die nyesal kang..ngan ko gak die bising."
2: "memang silap besar ar bising kat aku..dah die nak sangat kan.."
1: "tu pasal aku ckp die dah laaaain skang..tp betul la ko ckp, die nampak hepi skang"
2: "aku pun memule pelik gak tengok die, tapi bile die xplain kat aku, baru aku paham. weyh, ko pasan tak, skang ni die buat slamber je.."
1: "ehhhh..ofkos ar..drastik siot! motif ar..tp aku paham.ko paham?"
2: "haha..bodoh la kalau aku tak paham. brani btl eh die skang.."
1: "hah..tu la. sape suh ngengade ngan die..ala, xdtg kesan kot kat mike2 itew.."
2: "ye, aku sokong!!"
1: "aku harap die hepi..tu je yang aku nak.."
2: "same here..kesian ar aku tgk die..."
1: "ko jgn cakap camtu kat die..mau kene backhand.."
2: "haha..tau ler.."
1: "die kiut kan?"
2: "lately..agak la..hahaha"
1: "mebi betul la die hepi & bahagia.."
2: "Alhamdulillah..ape pun die decide, kite jgn argue nape die buat itu, buat ini..die tau..hidop die kan. kite just support & respect keputusan die.."
1: "ye2..paham s long s die hepi, kite hepi kan?"
2: "kurecheo!"
1: "eeeeeee aku lempang gak budak ni kan.."
2: "hahahha..ilek r..saranghae xoxo!!"
1: "arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.."
2: "hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha........................)