..aLMosT

"When I need you, you're almost here..and I know that's not enough

But when I'm with you, I'm close to tears..cause you're only almost here.."

nOtE

5 minutes note:

I must admit, I am being strongly weak and stupidly strong all at the same time. I guess I'm just being greedy..

TiCk..tiCK..BoOMM!!!

Second entry for today.

Goo Jun Pyo said, "I feel like there's a timebomb inside my head..and it will explode anytime", of course this has been translated, cause I don't speak Korean! Either way it is being said, in Korean or English, it doesn't change the fact that I do feel like something is about to explode within me!

I guess, this is exactly how you suppose to feel whenever you are trying to keep everything to yourself. The ticking sound won't stop until you let it out..in my case, I refused to let it out even though I have many ways to make the annoiying sound dissapeard. Due to that, I have to bear the consequences myself. I am not proud of saying this out loud. I am not trying to prove myself to everyone..trying to claim that I am strong when the fact is, I am not that strong to begin with. I am not trying to buy people attention by saying, "hey, hear me out..hear me out.." because I know that is not necessary. I can always let people know a.k.a my friends if I want to be heard. I am totally well aware of what I'm putting myself into..always have and always will be!

I will not explain, what on earth I'm babbling about. This is one of many ways for me to distract myself..kind like Edward often told Bella, "please..distract me..". I need the distractions badly. Although I know, the timebomb will explode, someday, somehow..no matter how distracted I will get..I just hope that, when it did blow up, I won't be falling to pieces..cause if I did, I really don't know when or how I can put myself back together~~

LaGu iTu

Oh bulan..enggan melayan diriku lagi
Pabila..airmata membasahi pipi
Dan lagu-lagu di radio seolah-olah memerli aku
Pabila..kau bersama yang lain..

Adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih..bersemadi untukmu..
Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyumanmu itu
Kau juga merindui aku..

Ku enggan..berpura-pura ku bahagia
Ku enggan..melihat kau bersama si dia
Dan ku akui cemburu..mula menular dalam diri
Pabila..kau bersama yang lain

Di saat kau merenung matanya
Ku rebah..jatuh ke bumi
Di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
Seperti..ku bernafas dalam air...

Dan sebenarnya..

Moral entry kali ini ialah, jangan terlampau mengutuk sesuatu. Aku memang tak suka sangat-sangat lagu Yuna ni. First time aku dengar, memang aku benci..tapi sekarang, aku amat-amat meminati melodi dan lirik lagu ini. So, dan sebenarnya...apa ya NurulHuda?

NoTe

5 minutes note:-

Feel like expressing myself before I switch off this pc and heading back home. I have to & I must keep on doing what I'm doing..kalau tak..boleh jadi gila!

TeNTaNG

Mungkin kerana masih berada di awal tahun yang baru, aku rasa sangat bersemangat untuk hidup. Walaupun tiada sebarang resolusi tahun ini, aku ingin memulakan hidup dengan aura yang positif s.a.h.a.j.a...haha..What is happening to you this time NurulHuda??Entah la..mungkin kerana aku sudah habis nonton "Boys Over Flowers", atau kerana irama rancak dari "The Wondergirls"..jadi aku rasa hidup ini sangat best!haha..

I am thinking about wearing a mascara. Lin cakap, "dah besar dah yong.."..hahaha..When I told my mak about this, she just looked at me without saying a word, I guess the translation is, "buang tebiat pe budak ni..."hahaha..Aku nak pakai yang macam dalam iklan Maybelline ada harimau tu..macam cun,kan? Mata macam mata harimau..mungkin harimau tu lagi cun..hahaha

Aku ingin mendaki Bukit Broga di Semenyih..to watch the sun rise. I don't mind getting up as early as 4 a.m..! I know the climb will be so worth it. I am so full of life, am I?haha..

Aku bukanlah orang yang mampu mengamalkan konsep, happy-go-lucky. I know I can never be that type of person. I can be all bubly, chirpy, happy at one time but not all the time. If I'm upset or pissed off, it is clear for everyone to see. I'm quite good at keeping everything to myself, but to hide my emotions, I haven't master it yet. Rasanya, tak perlu nak sorok kalau aku marah ke, sedih ke, jiwa kacau ke..after all, I'm only human.

Benar, aku ingin optimistik tentang hidup. Benar, aku ingin hidup dengan baik-baik sahaja tahun ini. Benar, aku ingin sedikit perubahan untuk tahun ini. Apa yang aku nyatakan di atas juga, maskara, Bukit Broga dan tentang aku tidak akan menjadi insan yang happy-go-lucky semuanya adalah benar..dan tentang aku sangat bersemangat untuk hidup di tahun baru, juga benar.

Berapa lama semangat ini akan hidup? Aku tidak pasti. Adakah aku akan mula memakai maskara? Tidak pasti. Adakah aku akan menyaksikan matahari terbit dari puncak Bukit Broga? Tidak pasti. Adakah segalanya akan elok-elok sahaja untuk aku tahun ini? Tidak pasti.

Konklusi entry kali ini....we'll just wait and see :)

SwEEt SiLvEr LiNiNg

I'm going home downhearted and hoping
I'm close to some new beginning
I know there's a reason for everything that comes and goes

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight but I'm just surviving
I maybe weak but I'm never defeated
And I'll keep believing in clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days I try my best to put on a brave face
But inside my bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while, something's keeping me safe and alive

..and I won't give up like this, I will be given strength
..now that I've found it nothing can take that away
..and I'll keep believing in clouds with that sweet silver lining...

~Kate Voegele a.k.a MiA, One Tree Hill~