Monday, May 31, 2010

y.o.U

My heart is full of rage and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for putting me in this situation. It was you who made me feel horribly terrible of myself. You forced me to deal with everything alone. You purposedly forget or refused to tell me, everything about life..about my life would be so damn complicated. You chose to let me go, so that you could tell everyone, that I've grown up, become matured and can take care of myself. You opt to be ignorant of my existence..and i am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for giving me hope. You shouldn't said anything if those words weren't true. Politeness doesn't suit you. Kind-hearted is a gesture that will take you years to master or not at all. Your innocent look, have fooled me. You have taught me the true meaning of dishonesty..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for making holes in my heart. There are countless times, when I feel like the holes just getting bigger, and it's getting harder to conceal them. You have used me in so many ways that you possible could. I believed you because it was you. I have struggled to shut each holes. I get frustrated everytime I failed to. I pray for strength because it was and still a hardwork. You wounded me and broke my heart over and over again..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for my lack in trust. How can I have faith and put my trust on anyone, when you have tarnished the sacred meaning to it. I will always have doubts, on whether or not I have make the right decisions and I will forever hate that. It's hard to trust myself yet alone another living soul..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for training me in becoming a fighter. You pushed me down. You tore me apart. I got up and healed myself. I used to grumble because I couldn't take it anymore and you won't let me give up. I cried because your regimes were getting tougher. You ignored to look into my swelled eyes. You refused to listen when I screamed "enoughhhh!!". You went off and walked away because you know I will survive, I will make it through. You know eventually I will stop crying..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for who I am now. I am blaming you for my uncertainty. I am blaming you for my optimistic mind. I am blaming you for my fears. I am blaming you for my courage. I am blaming you for my guilt. I am blaming you for my patience. I am blaming you for what you have done and still continue doing.

Yes, I am blaming you.

5 comments:

aeryn mummy aiyris zarra said...

who is this you??

again.

my curiosity could kill me.

cepat gtau!

MiSzEniGmA said...

ur curiosity excite me my fren..hahaha

aeryn mummy aiyris zarra said...

cis.

like this entry very mucho por favor
;P

Anonymous said...

then again...yada, yada, yada, yong will never disclosed who is 'you'...keep on dreamin'...

---qasehhitam---

MiSzEniGmA said...

min: grasias ;)
qasehhitam: jgn dok yada,yada,yada situ..tjkkan dirimu yg sebenar..muahahaha