Thursday, August 21, 2008

UntoLD sTOry

I had tough week. Time seems to stop moving. My heart aches like crazy. I've gone through this before and i just couldn't do it all over again..

Pretending to be fine is my great specialty..hahaha! Acting as if everything is ok, has becoming a lot easier. Want to know the secret? You just have to use the right emoticons! No one will notice that you are actually faking it. The power of technology has help me and others to hide our true emotions. But still, you can't lie to the end of the day, you will feel a lot worse than you could ever imagined!

The more i tried to ignore it, the harder it gets me. I tried my hardest not to think about it, and i always! When i slowly getting my life back like it used to be, this huge mix of emotions bothered me so much and i feel like screaming my lungs out!! I'm finally free, free from everything and everyone, i just don't need this right now. Arghhh..just give me a brake..and plenty of spaces. Is it too much to ask?

I'm praying that i can be more brave and strong to face this test from ALLAH swt. Its getting tougher day by day. I'm feeling weak and i feel like i can't overcome it. I'm starting to think, i will never get my way out from all this..what can i do? What should i do?

Crying is not the best solution, but it helps! I sat at the balcony of my house, during midnight..and i cried, and cried and i thought i would never stop. The dark open sky was my witness, and maybe few mosquitos. I sat there almost an hour. Thinking and praying for all this to go away. Hoping that, tomorrow everything will be normal once again. Well has it..?

Alhamdulillah, its getting better. I keep telling myself, all this has been written in my destiny. I already accepted it, before i was born into this world. There will be an end to everything, my prayers will be answered..i believed it with all my heart. I know i'm not alone. I know my friends will help me if i let them, but i need to figure this out myself. Insya-ALLAH, i will not give up. I never give up before, and i am not planning to do so! Ya-ALLAH, please help me to get over this, please guide me so that i know what to do, give me strength..because right now, it is all that i need -amin-

p/s: for someone who would like to keep her personal feelings, personal..i failed miserably..huhu


aeryn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aeryn said...

I am standing here and there and everywhere for you.

As always, as a loyal friend, that will keep accompany you in what ever u r.

I always can read you though, but i dont want to come out with some thing that will spoil your mood or feelings,

But, I want you to be brave and tough like what you have told me to.

Life is not that bad neither not always beer and skittles.

As long as you know where you are standing and know who will catch you when you fall.


p.s: U know that i am able for you anytime anywhere and i am always, always OPEN for you (like you, i reserved.hahaha)

this one is the longest ya?

MiSzEniGmA said...

i'm speechless..