H.u.H!

Time: 11.05 a.m

Date: 12.08.2010

Venue: The receptionist desk

Mood: Boringgggggggggg!!!!!!!!

Kelakar la..wajar ke, administrator department lain yang kena replace receptionist while she is away? Wajar ke? Tak!! Apa guna ada Unit Pengurusan Sumber Manusia kalau unit lain yang kena buat kerja mereka? Oh ya, bak kata sahabat saya, "hr kan senior exec.."..huh, senior exec my foot la!

Wajar juga ke kalau, mereka mahu rotate kami (para administrator) untuk ganti tempat recept ini, seandainya si recept bercuti? What kind of system is that??Hmm..yes, we call it system that is full with b.s!

Walaupun kerja-kerja aku tak sebeban kerja-kerja pengurus-pengurus besar kat sini, tapi still kerja aku tak siapa yang boleh tolong cover. Kerja bos aku pun dah sedia membukit. Mungkin kami hanya administrator, jadi kami memang layak dipusing-pusingkan sesuka hati.

They should have a better solution than this. Pengurusan Sumber Manusia konon..ni namanya, Pengurusan Penindasan Sumber-sumber Manusia yang ada..huh!

I aM..

I am thrilled to do this one..I am excited coz finally.. I've got it!

Recently, I watched a movie and I think it was the closest thing to my heart after "U've Got Mail". It was a brilliant movie..light, funny but most importantly, it helps to get my feet on the ground.

It was released I think, a year or two years back. Sebenarnya, mesej filem itu, kita semua sedia maklum..ladies la..tapi kita (mungkin tak semua) choose to be ignorant..I know I do..hahaha..It is all about the sign. We feed ourselves with all the positive notes when it comes to the sign..we wanted to believe things that are not there. In the end..we get nothing from it!

Filem itu mengajar aku tentang satu fakta yang sangat obvious. Percayalah kalau aku cakap, bermula dari hari aku nonton filem itu dan mungkin juga selamanya, aku akan hanya percaya pada fakta itu sahaja. Kenapalah selama ini, aku tak nampak semua itu?? Mungkin aku tahu, tapi buat-buat tak tahu kot,kan?

Hidup aku semakin clear sekarang....hanya dengan sebaris ayat!

So, are you the rule or the exception?

p/s: do u know which movie I am talking about? hehe... :)

UsEd tO

You used to talk to me like..I was the only one around
You used to lean on me like..the only other choice was falling down
You used to walk with me like..we had nowhere we needed to go
Nice and slow..to no place in particular

We used to have this figured out..we used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear..you were the first star that I'd see
We used to have this under control..we never thought, we used to know
At least there's you..and at least there's me
Can we get this back..can we get this back, to how it used to be

I used to reach for you when..I got lost along the way
I used to listen..you always had just the right thing to say
I used to follow you..never really cared where we would go
Fast or slow..to anywhere at all

I look around me..and I want you to be there
Cause I miss the things that we shared
Look around you..it's empy and you're sad
Cause you miss the love that we had

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around
The only one around...

WhaTevER u saY..wHAtEveR u dO

The truth will set you free..but sometimes, I rather not knowing anything at all.

Kita diasuh bercakap benar kerana itu antara nilai murni dalam kehidupan. Cuma, apabila kita semakin celik meniti hidup, kita belajar untuk menipu. Tiada sesiapa yang menurunkan ilmu..mungkin ianya kepandaian semulajadi..masuk akal ke?

Aku nak cakap pasal apa sebenarnya ni?.........................??

Bila orang bercakap tentang itu dan ini..aku tahu, semuanya fakta. Kalau pun ada ramuan tambahan, aku percaya saja sebab aku ni lurus bendul orangnya! Tapi kebenaran yang terlalu telus (kononnya) boleh buat aku jelik. Sampai aku tak tahu nak bezakan, fakta itu sememangnya fakta atau auta saja lebih. Dek kerana itu, aku "wah..!!" kan jugalah. Hakikatnya, "aku peduli apa..".

Can't you just keep the facts to yourself? Not everyone wants to know every single details about this and that. Ya la..tak semua orang macam kau NurulHuda..ya, tau..tapi tak semua orang macam dia jugak!

Ok, kita divert ke topik lain pula ya...

Bila orang mahu berbuat kebaikan pada kita, kita terima..syukur, kerana orang mahu membantu. Tak kiralah bantuan dalam bentuk apa sekalipun.

Ya, kebaikan yang ikhlas, hanya ALLAH mampu membalasnya. Mungkin kita merasakan, kita tidak memerlukan bantuan dari si polan. Namun, kerana niatnya ikhlas mahu membuat kebaikan dan dia merasakan kita calon yang sesuai untuk diberi bantuan, maka terpilihlah kita. Mungkin bantuan tadi memang benar-benar jujur dan bukan kerana simpati. Apapun, hanya si polan yang lebih arif.

Selalu aku merasa hairan, kenapa aku sering diberi "inisiatif" itu dan ini dari dia dan dia. Adakah mereka fikir, aku amat memerlukan bantuan mereka. Ikhlaskah atau simpati semata? Kenapa aku dan bukan yang lain? Mungkin ini salah satu bantuan daripada ALLAH swt untuk aku. That is the only answer that came into my mind as I'm typing this. Banyak sangat ke kebaikan yang sudah aku lakukan sehingga orang mahu berbuat sedikit kebaikan pada aku? Wallahualam...

To conclude my non-stop babling...berkata benar memang dituntut. Tak salah langsung bercakap tentang perkara yang benar-sebenar-benarnya. It's just, I may not be interested or even bother to know. Kebaikan, bukan semua orang layak menikmatiknya. Apatah lagi kebaikan kurniaan sesama manusia. Alhamdulillah, aku antara insan yang layak untuk merasai sedikit kebaikan itu. Harapnya, kebaikan itu ikhlas dan bukan berlandaskan simpati..kerana kebaikan yang ikhlas, nikmatnya lebih dirasai. Jangan berbuat kebaikan kerana perasaan belas yang terlampau..aku akan merasa janggal dan hopeless. I don't need you to make me feel that way cause I can do it myself. Terima kasih seandainya benar-benar ikhlas..tapi kalau sebaliknya, just stop..I truly don't need it.

LaGu HiTAm PUtiH

Tanya sama hati
Apa asal sayang
Adakah tandanya nampak dipandang
Kumbang rayu bunga, bulan dan bintangnya
Punya tanda-tanda hubungan mesra

Tanya sama hati
Pernahkah merindu
Ingat masa lena, apa mimpimu
Masa berjauhan, apa yang dikenang
Bila difahamkan itulah sayang

Jikalau tidak kerana sayang
Kuntuman kasih tak mungkin kembang
Andainya jemu mengganti rindu
Jambangan mesra tentulah layu

aku pun tak tahu apa motif update post ni..dari semalam terngiang lagu ni :)

y.o.U

My heart is full of rage and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for putting me in this situation. It was you who made me feel horribly terrible of myself. You forced me to deal with everything alone. You purposedly forget or refused to tell me, everything about life..about my life would be so damn complicated. You chose to let me go, so that you could tell everyone, that I've grown up, become matured and can take care of myself. You opt to be ignorant of my existence..and i am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for giving me hope. You shouldn't said anything if those words weren't true. Politeness doesn't suit you. Kind-hearted is a gesture that will take you years to master or not at all. Your innocent look, have fooled me. You have taught me the true meaning of dishonesty..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for making holes in my heart. There are countless times, when I feel like the holes just getting bigger, and it's getting harder to conceal them. You have used me in so many ways that you possible could. I believed you because it was you. I have struggled to shut each holes. I get frustrated everytime I failed to. I pray for strength because it was and still a hardwork. You wounded me and broke my heart over and over again..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for my lack in trust. How can I have faith and put my trust on anyone, when you have tarnished the sacred meaning to it. I will always have doubts, on whether or not I have make the right decisions and I will forever hate that. It's hard to trust myself yet alone another living soul..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for training me in becoming a fighter. You pushed me down. You tore me apart. I got up and healed myself. I used to grumble because I couldn't take it anymore and you won't let me give up. I cried because your regimes were getting tougher. You ignored to look into my swelled eyes. You refused to listen when I screamed "enoughhhh!!". You went off and walked away because you know I will survive, I will make it through. You know eventually I will stop crying..and I am blaming you for that.

I am blaming you for who I am now. I am blaming you for my uncertainty. I am blaming you for my optimistic mind. I am blaming you for my fears. I am blaming you for my courage. I am blaming you for my guilt. I am blaming you for my patience. I am blaming you for what you have done and still continue doing.

Yes, I am blaming you.

TimE oUt

Aku mencuri ruang dan masa untuk post ini. Post ini harus diterbitkan hari ini kerana sudah lama benar ianya bersawang di dalam otak.

Aku letih. Aku bosan...dan aku merasakan urat kesabaran aku sudah hampir putus.

Mental dan fizikal aku sudah lama menjerit minta diberi perhatian..aku yang degil menutup telinga, mengeraskan hati kerana malas mahu melayan.

Aku letih dengan kerja. Aku letih memandu pergi dan pulang kerja. Aku letih melihat orang-orang di tempat kerja.

Sila gantikan perkataan "letih" pada perenggan di atas dengan bosan. Terima kasih.

I need to regain my energy and my patience. I need to get myself together. I need a break.

It is just a matter of where and when..